My Birth Story
I’m finding that relaying the medical details of my birth is one thing, and yet the pull to share my birth story is to remember the details of how I felt in some key moments.
Thanks for being curious enough to come along. I’m writing this as I would tell it to you, which is…VERBOSE. You’ll either love it or hate it, and I’m fine with either.
Around 3am on February 10th, I woke up with uncomfortable back pain. This was a different pain than I had yet to experience, but didn’t phase me much because month 9 of pregnancy brought plenty of new aches.
It persisted and kept me awake, so I slept in when Brandon got up.
I thought to myself, “Welp, I guess today will just be one of *those days.”
“One of those days” is a day during pregnancy where your body feels wretched for “no reason” except that it’s accommodating a new phase of growing a human being. Some of mine were intense pubic pain, extra nausea, deep exhaustion, acute upper shoulder pain. Every pregnant woman knows…”those days” stand out.
After sharing this with a friend, she gasped and reminded me “honey you were in labor and you thought ‘oh it’s just a bad day.’” It’s been an eye-opening and inspiring experience contemplating the amount of energy, effort and pain required to facilitate life.
Finally, laying down started to feel worse so I got up and gently, but firmly convinced myself to take a shower and wash my hair “just in case” I went into labor in the next day or so.
Then, I still didn’t feel better, so I bounced on the yoga ball, let go of my goal of writing “thank you” cards that day (still haven’t done them), ate a little breakfast, and considered what time was too early to take a bath.
Around 11am, I felt the urge to poop, and thought “oooh, yeah, maybe that will free up some space!”
After I went to the bathroom, I DID feel a little relief. WAHOO! I stood up. I hadn’t even pulled my pants up and my water broke onto the bathroom floor. I promptly sat back down on the toilet and called Brandon.
Me: “Hey. My water broke. For real…it’s tons of water. I’m sure.” (We had been to the doc an extra time the week before to make sure I wasn’t leaking amniotic fluid.)
Brandon: “Oh my God, BABE! Okay, I’m coming now.”
Then, I called my mom, who was planning to come back to Utah as soon as we knew for sure I was in labor and having the baby.
Mom: Hi Maria.
Me [voice cracks in tears]: Hey Mom.
Mom: Honey! Are you okay?
Me: Umm…My water broke. Ahh!
Mom: Oh!! Maria! She’s coming!
KEY MOMENT #1
There’s a really unique moment when you become a mother, and understand your own mother from a completely different light. This moment was a tiny taste of what was to come postpartum watching my mom go into phase two of me being a newborn, this time a newborn mother.
She stayed on the phone. She immediately got on the Internet and searched for flights for that day. She timed every single contraction. She kept talking to me through the whole thing. By the time we got to the hospital, she had booked a flight to arrive by 9pm that evening. That is some “efficient, all in, do anything” mom shit right there.
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Almost immediately after my water broke, my contractions were 5 minutes or less apart. Brandon got home, ran around gathering things, and got impatient when I wanted to go back for my glasses. We were off!
Okay, so naively, I thought that an overnight pad would totally catch whatever water continued to come out on the way to the hospital. I also naively put on gray sweatpants (LOL..this kills me!)
We valeted the car, and I jumped out as much as a 9 month pregnant woman can jump out of a car. I had tunnel vision. I knew where the delivery unit was, and while I heard echos of people calling out, “Do you want a wheelchair?!” I was already halfway down the corridor to the elevator.
At this point, I look like the quintessential movie labor. I’m walking *briskly* through the hospital not listening to anyone. Brandon is trailing behind me with several bags and a huge smile. I’m cutting off people to get on the elevator. My gray sweats are soaked. (There’s A LOT of water in there!) My belly is probably poking out the bottom of my shirt, who knows?!
In my defense that I don’t need, I had been progressing towards labor for weeks. I was 3-3.5cm dilated and 90% effaced when I walked in, and I knew my contractions were sub 5 minutes. I was in “championship athlete mode.” (technically I don’t really have this mode, but you get it)
When we checked into the OB ER, contractions started to intensify and let me tell you these nurses could not have moved SLOWER or been less excitable. I know they’ve seen it ALL, but COME ON. Time was crawling. I was 4cm dilated.
Anyways, my entire pants basically fall off from being waterlogged, Brandon learns his first counter-pressure move and we take a ridiculously naive last photo of us pre-baby where I’m giving a peace sign with my tongue out, both of us having zero clue that we’re on the precipice of getting our asses handed to us in parenthood.
We’re admitted and ready to go to the delivery room about 30 minutes later. This time, I opt to be wheeled in the bed to the room. Shit was getting real.
Once we’re settled, a woman walks in and says, “Hey you guys, My name is Kiersti, I’m the residing midwife today, I don’t know if you remember, but…”
Me: “I remember!! You were the midwife at my first appointment!”
This is a big deal to me because the hospital changed its policy since Covid, and began staffing the OB delivery floor with a staff that may or may not be the doctor you had through your pregnancy. There’s a larger chance that you meet the doc delivering your baby for the first time in the delivery room than not. SO, it was so relieving to have a familiar face of someone that I respected and liked.
She suggested not laboring on my back (as it can be the most painful) and so I changed positions, and sat up on the edge of the bed where she showed Brandon another counter pressure move. From here, I was either on the edge of the bed or on a yoga ball. When a contraction came, I would lean forward to put my forehead on Brandon’s, and he would squeeze my hips together.
Kiersti also suggested apple juice and fruit to eat, and it absolutely hit the spot.
By the time I got to 6cm, I could tell we weren’t really equipped to willy nilly do this whole labor without some pain relief. After all, the only thing we really had was the scratched notes my mom gave us of the labor process in Brandon’s wallet…naive is the theme! But let’s reframe that…we live life like this…riding the wave as the wave is here! Neither of us has much of a preference to over prepare for much in life.
Additionally, Eleanor was head down, but mostly face up which meant that the earlier back pain persisted. Some people say it is a “harder labor,” but that seems a little difficult to measure.
I chose to get an epidural, and was told, “Okay, let me call them. It might be 30 minutes or so if there are emergencies.”
Me to myself: “What kind of modern hospital is this shit?! The epidurals are not on demand?! They aren’t just waiting outside the door ready?! THIS IS BULLSHIT.
After my private mental breakdown, they walked right in, HA! And let’s just say, I’m really grateful for modern medicine and epidurals specifically. I’m so glad I got one.
After that, my blood pressure dropped. Then, it was high and I spiked a fever. I almost had to get preventative antibiotics, but aspirin broke my fever and I was spared.
Kiersti came back, had me straddle the peanut ball and gave me a heated blanket. It was a welcome break.
After what seemed like no time, I was complete, i.e. 10cm dilated around 6pm.
Midwife Kiersti came back in, sat at the end of the bed and said, “Okay, let’s push!”
For about an hour, it was Kiersti at the end of the bed, the nurse holding one leg, and Brandon holding the other. It was very chill. We were playing our music, which was a delight to almost everyone who walked in (apparently the Utahans don’t do a lot of music in labor). Between contractions and pushes, Kiersti and Brandon chatted about home remodels, and I was dozing off (thank you oxytocin… and epidural)
I didn’t feel over-strained pushing, but maybe that’s why I pushed for 2 hours. I didn’t over-epidural myself, so I could feel contractions coming on, and feel the pressure of Eleanor’s head, but I think I did have a little trouble accessing the exact mechanics of an efficient push for the first several rounds. I welcomed tips and coaching from nurses and Kiersti.
There was one particular nurse who was extra encouraging. She offered to be more quiet, but I said, “No, actually your encouragement really helps.” I didn’t say another word about it, but everyone who walked in after was on board, and thus kicked off the “Maria Labor Cheer Squad.” I’ve always liked positive affirmations, HA!
From here, I’m grateful for the way it went. Slowly, more and more nurses, residents and doctors came into the room. At one point, Kiersti invited me to reach down and feel Eleanor’s head. I kept pushing for another hour. Kiersti and the OB on staff were giving me counter pressure on and stretching my perineum (in Brandon’s words, “A LOT”). Kiersti even commented that I have a “very strong” perineum. I thought this just meant that I’m uptight, but it’s apparently a compliment and one I never knew I’d be happy to get.
KEY MOMENT #2
In my final pushes, this is what I saw when I opened my eyes…at least 6 or 7 women in a half circle around my hips and legs, all 100% tuned in and connected. The power of the women in the room was palpable. This is one of my most memorable birth moments. Considering the total amount of education these women have, the work they put in to be standing in that room delivering babies in a country that rarely suffers death from birth anymore, and the care and concern they have for women bringing life into the world, I was inspired beyond measure.
A couple specific things that I observed…
Kiersti the midwife stayed past her shift end to wait for Eleanor to come, and then stayed AN EXTRA HOUR to make sure I stopped bleeding.
The University of Utah Hospital is a research hospital, and so the whole time, not only is Kiersti (and the other senior people in the room) managing my situation like a freaking superbowl champion, she is also TEACHING the residents as she goes. That takes SERIOUS mastery, by the way.
While the team managed my delivery and post-delivery, somehow we also have photos of Nora on my chest moments after birth. I remember seeing Brandon’s phone fly above and across my body in the final pushes. Later when I got nauseous from a post-delivery medication, a nurse noticed and by the time I said, “I think I’m going to throw up” and turned my head, a barf bag was in Brandon’s hands and up to my mouth. It was like this team was an extension of me, my needs and wants.
I watched these women execute exactly what I teach my clients…how to breathe, stay relaxed and do your best, most cleared headed work under pressure - stay confident in working the problem until it’s solved - treat the other humans in the room with kindness and compassion, including their patient and colleagues - communicate clearly, concisely and effectively - own their genius and expertise (there was zero holding back, just aligned and confident action) - laser pointed focus and presence.
After birth, the thing I cried about the most was thinking about my birth team and how expertly they took care of us. THIS is exactly why I have my business and coach women on burnout. I REALLY wanted women to be in the room for my birth and deliver Eleanor. These women had to overcome odds and stay in the game for that to be true. These women made big decisions for my health that day, and I believe when women are making decisions, good things happen.
At the very end of pushing, I could feel the difference of pressure in Eleanor coming all the way out.
The last songs I remember hearing before she was out were Beyonce’s “Love on Top” and Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody,” both tunes that have a special place in my heart. A couple weeks later, and home alone, “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” played on Spotify, and my whole body responded. I bawled as Eleanor and I danced to it together again, this time postpartum. I’m sure this was the song now.
In a blur and fury, I heard Eleanor’s strong cry immediately, and she was floating to my chest. Surprisingly, I didn’t have tears, just shock and awe.
Post birth -
The good news - Eleanor was/is healthy, and I didn’t tear at all (more shock and awe). I believe it was the long push time that gave my body time to open and some expert work by Kiersti working with my body.
The less good news - I hemorrhaged and lost about 800cc of blood. One nurse said 500cc lost is a hemorrhage and another said it is 1000cc. Either way, the team spent about another hour working to stop the bleeding. The way they do this is with uterus massage, except “massage” is not the word I would use to describe what happened. They had to intensely push straight down on my abdomen (like you would on a heart that had stopped beating). The epidural doesn’t cover this part of your body. It was as painful as natural contractions at 6cm. I was audibly like “WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!” and they persisted. I’m glad they did. They stopped the bleeding, and I recovered totally fine.
By 10pm, my mom walked in the delivery room, I had trays of food in front of me, and Brandon was holding Eleanor. Mom was there to help me nurse Eleanor for the first time. Around 11pm, we headed to the postpartum unit, and the bliss and chaos of newborn life and the fourth trimester began.