Sorry, Not Sorry
Now more than ever, women are being told to stop saying sorry so much, especially at work.
No one should have to apologize for standing in a certain spot, asserting an opinion, or answering an email.
And I dig it…for the most part. I pause because I encourage us to not forget the power of an apology, of admitting when we’re wrong…if and when we are truly wrong.
One time, when my boss had just started, my direct report resigned. Instead of taking this straight to my boss’ desk, I “handled” it. The whole team had been so frustrated with management changes and poor communication that I wasn’t surprised by her resignation, and didn’t even think to counter it. Instead, I took it as fact, and alerted the whole leadership team and HR in an email with her last day. Needless to say, he was pissed, for good reason, since it doesn’t look great to have employees quit right after the new boss starts.
Woman nor man will complete a career or life without making a mistake or taking a risk and having it flop. And it’s okay. That’s how things are.
So, instead of assuming every and all responsibility, OR deflecting and hiding, let’s find somewhere in the middle.
Because admitting when we’re wrong when we’re actually wrong is honest, liberating and human. It can go a long way in creating an open environment among the people we live and work with.
A couple days later, I saw things from my bosses perspective, and I realized I was in the wrong. In our next one on one, he brought it up and began to explain why he was upset. I stopped him, looked him in the eye, and said, “Hey, I get it, and I’m really sorry. I messed up. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I can see how I mis-judged this. I promise that it won’t happen again. Seriously, it’s my bad, and I’m really sorry.” Then, he dropped it, and we moved on to additional pressing matters.
When we are brave enough to admit our fault, others feel empowered to do the same, and it helps everyone move along quicker and with less baggage.
It also opens an opportunity to set a better boundary or ask for help, creating mutual respect and trust.
Months later, I was in another meeting with the same boss for my bi-yearly review. He brought up this moment again and said, “Because you so directly apologized, it showed some real maturity. I respected that and knew I could trust your judgment with clients and to lead others.” Then, he promoted me, and grew my team.
And, as you can see in this example, sometimes it can even benefit you in ways you don’t expect.
Let it start with you.
If you struggle with feeling like you need to apologize for everything or admitting when you’re wrong, send me a message on the “Contact” page right now to set up a (free) call and I’ll help you find your own power in apologies and how you can use it to your advantage.