How to Make Bad Feedback your Superpower
Let’s face it - getting feedback is never a party. But getting “bad” feedback is HARD (in all caps).
When I say “bad” I’m talking about the kind of feedback that hurts a little. Maybe your manager or boss has shared this feedback with you before, maybe it’s feedback about something you think you can’t change, something personal, or a mistake you made that cost your client or company money. Any feedback that sucks to get is in this bucket, and I’m here for you.
Receiving hard feedback well is a practice, and so let’s take it step by step. If receiving feedback feels like it’s always a shot to the heart, start with #1 and slowly add the steps after.
Stay Calm and Breathe On - If you know you’re receiving feedback, take a couple of minutes before the meeting to take a walk and take ten (10) conscious cycles of breath. If you’re surprised by getting feedback, when you know you’re moving into that territory, do your best to begin paying attention to your breath, and try to keep it with you. This will help you remain calm. Even if your insides feel all swirly and turned inside out, your breath will keep you connected and appearing calm shows your manager that you’re listening.
Expect Flawed Delivery - Remember that whoever is giving you feedback is also a human. It’s important to remember that they bring their own baggage to all conversations, which may make them deliver feedback to you in ways that are painful to digest or make it difficult to understand what they really want from you. This is unconscious on their part. Go in knowing that this is a possibility. Understand that they are doing their best and give them the benefit of the doubt. Sharing feedback is an act of love because it’s difficult and in the best interest of the person receiving it. Getting feedback is the fastest way to get better. (Of course, in the case of abuse, always seek out your HR team)
Seek the Truth - There’s a yogic teaching called Satya, which means truth. I encourage you to use Satya a North Star in feedback conversations to seek out the truth. In some cases, it might mean asking questions about where things went sideways, and in others, seeing past your managers poor delivery so you can understand. Seeking truth is often about curiosity, so sometimes it may mean asking specific questions about how you can improve or learn ways to do something differently. Depending on the situation, this might also be a moment to share your own truth about a situation, but ultimately, seeking truth surpasses your need to be defensive, so focus more on learning and discovery.
Reflect - Once you’ve gotten to a place where you fully understand the situation and what is being asked of you, introduce another teaching called Svadhyaya, which means self-study. Self-study is the practice of self-awareness and self-reflection. Try to do this work after the meeting. In a quiet place, you can truthfully discover if the feedback you got is true. I recommend doing this in a quiet place alone, because we can often become combative when we feel we’ve done something wrong, which leads to energy spent on proving that we’re right instead of letting the feedback sink in, and allow for change to happen. If you feel combative, ask yourself why. Then, try on the feedback you got. Ask yourself questions like “What if I did that a different way?” and “What would it be like to change this?” and “What’s holding me back from trying something new if it makes me better?”
If you can master receiving any and all feedback by getting to the core of what the feedback is, and then applying it right away, you have the keys to the CEO’s office.
To do this, I recommend keeping a healthy dose of non-attachment nearby. If you stay unattached, you’ll stay calm in the face of stinging feedback, you won’t take the conversation personally or make it mean something about your core value as a human, you’ll be more curious about the truth, and be faster than all of your colleagues in reflecting and applying change.
I work with my clients to master this skill and many others so that they can make more impact in less time without stress and anxiety. Send a message to me on the “Contact” page to set up a free consultation call to see if this work is right for you.